I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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