im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
