On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
