Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Two words: nipple clamps
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