Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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