Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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