dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
