Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
