what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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