No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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