I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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