i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My vagina just recognized that song.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
