Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
