dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
