i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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