Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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