I bet he comes in French.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
