i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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