apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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