i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
