it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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