Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
