your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
