HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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