Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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