Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
