The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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