why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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