K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
