so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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