where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
