I wanna passion pit in your ass
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
