Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
