She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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