ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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