If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
