My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
