I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
