i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
