college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
