this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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