Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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