we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
