Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
