So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
