I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
not ubering you a puppy
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
