well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Drake has all the answers
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
