he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
