I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Im part way to drunk.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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