My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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